07/04/2021James Porteous

The Glorious, Impossibly Sumptuous Kitchens of the SuperRich

07 April 2021 | James Porteous | Clipper Media

I know what you are thinking. This Clipper guy is taking the piss.

Yes, you were going to finally find a new abode last year, but you’ve been imprisoned in that shit kitchen for a year now, and the almighty powers that be are thinking it might be kind of neat to keep you locked up for a few more months.

So why is this clown showing us the kitchens of the SuperRich?

I see your point. I mean we have all heard rumors that the SuperRich have been dining out in secret restaurants all along and the politicians and their ilk are still out seeing the world in their private jets.

But you have seen all those Hollywood movies. You know it is hard to be rich. In fact, it might be harder to be rich than it is to be poor! Ask any Hollywood director.

And nowhere is this more true than in the kitchens of the SuperRich.

We wake up, roll out of the futon, throw some Lucky Charms in a bowl and hunker down for the day in front of the TV.

But the SuperRich have to deal with the never-ending flow of bacon grease, the half-cup of luke-warm coffee from the fucking pods, and trying to figure out, yet again, if that damn avocado that has been sitting on your breakfast tray is finally ready to consume.

So I am basically asking you to take a look at the kitchens of the SuperRich with a modicum of pity and if you feel any empathy for any of the SuperRich you see here, send them a note and tell them, you know, to buck up.

Assure them that The (Western) Never-Ending Lockup will end soon and then they can get back to living their impossibly harried and frantic lives.

It is the least we can do, don’t you think?

29 Celebrity Kitchens with Incredible Style

In Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi’s Beverly Hills kitchen, a custom-made glass display case stores tableware. The range is by Wolf, the rugs are antique, and the rustic floor is crafted of reclaimed teak beams from China. Photo: Roger Davies
At George Clooney’s Mexican villa—which is part of a Legorreta + Legorreta-designed compound he shares with Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber—the Henrybuilt kitchen is appointed with a Viking cooktop and cabinetry faced in parota wood. Photo: Björn Wallander
Singer-songwriter John Mellencamp’s South Carolina retreat was designed by interior decorator Monique Gibson. In the kitchen, pendant lights by RH hang near portraits by Marvin Cherney and Walt Kuhn. Photo: William Abranowicz
Martyn Lawrence Bullard designed the kitchen in Sir Elton John and David Furnish’s Beverly Hills residence with white cabinetry and Corian counters, which are offset by splashes of color from the 1960s Venini light fixture and vases by Lino Tagliapietra, Venini, and Steven Weinberg. Photo: Roger Davies
Actress Julianna Margulies worked with designer Vicente Wolf to devise her Manhattan apartment. Specially crafted steel shelves are suspended above the island and a pair of Design Within Reach barstools in the kitchen. The backsplash is reverse-painted glass, the range and hood are by Viking, and the sink is by Blanco, with fittings by Grohe. Photo: William Abranowicz
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