Excerpt: Taliban Code of Conduct

Photo: James Porteous

13 August 2021 | James Porteous | Clipper Media

Call it ‘gallows humour.’ Or simply bad taste. But let’s not pretend that soldiers don’t need down time. Or that terrorists don’t need rules -and money- to survive. JP

The Fake Empire – James Porteous

The Good Lord is so fed up with his flock of Hapless Humans. They destroyed the planet and now The Davos Dandies are building hundreds of Freedom Bunkers to shield the 1% and ‘preserve democracy.’ And their money. And their DNA.

Life must carry on for future generations. Life must somehow get ‘back to normal’ as they like to say.

There is no point in saving Those Left Behind, the ones without stocks or investments or pristine DNA.

But the question remains: will they go gently into the endless dark night?

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“There are almost daily directives advising MilSec staff to refrain from sending ‘funny’ email chains. The usual, jokes and stupid pictures of stupid pets doing stupid things.

But they continue to send them out just the same.

Billy and Coleman and Blackstar are responsible for propagating the latest, a funny take on an actual Taliban Rules and Regulations document published years ago:
Additional Taliban Code of Conduct Commandments (TCCC) being considered by Taliban Upper Management (TUM):

1. Rifles should always be cleaned in a dry, well-lit environment using Taliban Brand Lint-Free Rifle Cleaner.

2. No spitting on sidewalks, grass huts or fellow Taliban Brand Freedom Fighters.

3. Taliban Brand Union Members are not allowed to: smoke/inject/snort/ingest Taliban Brand Heroin (TBH).

4. Smoking is allowed in designated areas only, unless stationed in France.

5. Be careful when removing Taliban Brand Pop Tarts from Toaster Ovens. They will be hot.

6. Practice your chants, even if you are not assigned to Chanting Detail. A chant is a terrible thing to waste.

7. Pay-stubs must be submitted to the Taliban Finance Department (TFD) no later than the Friday before payday. No stub = no pay = Enhanced Enhanced Torture Training (EETT).

“8. Name-tags on: underwear, balaclavas, lunch boxes, ammo boxes, shirts, pjs, or Taliban Brand Khaki Outerwear is strictly forbidden.

9. Attendance to the Friday Night showing of the World Wrestling Federation Fight of the Week is not considered mandatory. But…

10. Taliban Union Dues are payable on the First Tuesday of any Taliban Sponsored Insurrection and/or Incursion. If unable to pay on time, please contact a Taliban Shop Stewart for a UDHP (union dues hall pass).

11. Taliban Brand Life Insurance is available from your local Taliban Shop Stewart. Want to take care of Loved Ones from the Other Side? Why not sign up for Taliban Brand Term Life today, before your next insurrection and/or incursion.

12. T is not for Texas. T is not for Trouble with a Capital T. T is for Taliban.